I have been thinking, novel, I know, but still, I have to include a disclaimer, I don't want to be depressing, but just in case... this might be depressing...
So I have been dealing with a lot of deaths lately. I don't usually find myself going to funerals, but in the last year and I have been to at least 3, been unable to attend at least 4 and have heard about at least 3 in addition. Some might say it has been a hard year, but it really hasn't. Surprisingly, I have been able to deal with the several close losses rather well, of course I am saying this months later, but still. It has of course made me look into how fragile life really is. All those things that I say I want to do before I go, will I get the chance? A family friend died recently at the age of 20, girlfriend, job, house, etc. one car accident, not his fault, and now he is gone. Strange really, where is the balance? What do I do for me now, and what do I do for my future? I am going to spend the next 4 years or so in a difficult grad school program (I hope), so where do I make that time, do I take off time from work to live, or take off time from life for my future? Where do I get to love being me and doing the other things I want to do, and where do I decide to buckle down and provide myself a future? If life is so fragile, how do I make decisions. There are so many things i want to do, and usually I say, "oh yeah, I got time... someday..." but what if WHAT IF that someday never comes? What is important and what can I put off? What are my priorities? Do I actively pursue those things that I feel I don't have time for while putting my future on the back burner? Do I go see those far off places instead of working? Or do I work hard so that in four years i have money and a good job and then make a life? Where is the balance?
Ok, now that I have depressed everyone and repeated myself a bunch... on a lighter note, I had a good weekend and now I am getting ready to buckle down for the last big speech science midterm (almost there...). Ciao~
3 comments:
hi.
yeah, i know exactly what you mean... hence the fact that at 27 i've got my round the world ticket (And i too have a sony vaio TX *grins*) and am off to do 'stuff' for the next 12 or 18 months! Europe and a 45 day contiki tour are beckoning... and i've started a blog! bigwoodenhorse.blogspot.com
Chow! :D
Troy
i totally know where you're coming from bec. Let's be honest we're both in that time of our lives of trying to figure out what to do. I guess what you have to ask yourself, maybe, is "do you like what you're doing?" Basically do you like the fact that you're in school and is it what you really want to do? Maybe you have to make the sacrifice to be in school for another four years and then you'll get to live you life a little fuller.DOes any of this make sense? As much as I hate looking for a full time job and the job that i love most, it's what I had told myself I wanted to do. There are definitely a billion places i want to go and a billion things I want to do but i'm taking it one step at a time. ANd well I guess for me I'm quite proud that I at least got out of the country once! Thank god for that Australia trip. Well I miss you. much love darling.
I know that feeling too well. It means you're human. That you're not blinded by arrogance, that you can see where you have room for improvement. That I'm reading way too much into what you posted.
There's a line from an 80s movie which I've never seen, but heard of often enough that it has to exist: "Wherever you go, there you are"
I guess you've just got to make the most of what you're doing, enjoy your student days while they last. Wherever you are, there are opportunities to live your life more fully.Sometimes you'll only recognise them in hindsight and kick yourself for missing them, other times you'll recognise them when they come and you'll grab them.
Make time for the things you want to do. You don't want to tell your grandkids that all you got out of uni was a degree!
Hope this helps.
If you find the balance, let me know where it was hiding!
Warren (who you've never met)
(In a philosophical mood, please take a seat and my normal self will be back shortly)
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